ROOTS BEFORE BRANCHES

Roots Before Branches  60" x 48"

Roots Before Branches  60" x 48"

My first completed painting in 2012. I drew this image in my sketch book when I was at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, August 2012.  Staring out at the expansive beautiful pacific ocean, wondering what my future would be, barely being able to recognize that my life as I knew it had been turned upside down.  

Feeling numb after Nick’s long illness and medical treatments…looking to the world to bring me something, some hope, some relief from my body so wrecked and almost caved in as to protect my heart.  

I happened upon Esalen because I wanted to do a yoga retreat while my daughter was off to summer camp.  I discovered the most beautiful healing place and a special yoga practice – Radiant Body Yoga with Kia Miller – an amazing heart opening practice combining Kundalini and Vinyasa yoga and a lot more.

The lyrics are shared below so you can read the beautiful words that moved me so much.

"Oh, start to run and then I fall, thinking I can’t get it all, without my feet on the ground
There’s always a seed before there’s a rose
The more that it rains the more I will grow
I gotta have roots before branches to know who I am before I know who I wanna be"

When you lose someone, something, you find yourself lost in some ways.  My entire social construct of being Nick’s partner, wife, part of a couple, parents to Carenna, was now gone.  I needed to grieve, to think, to feel, to understand what happened, to try and figure out how much pain I could actually stand.  I needed to figure out who I was before I could figure out where I wanted to go, what was next on the horizon for me.  This song resonated with me.   I hope you can see the song in my painting.

 


ROOTS BEFORE BRANCHES by Room for Two

So many things to do and say, But I can’t seem to find my way but I wanna know how
I know I’m meant for something else, but first I gotta find myself, but I don’t know how
Oh, why do I reach for the stars, when I don’t have wings to carry me that far?
I got have roots before branches – to know who I am before I know who I wanna be
And faith to take chances, to live like I see a place in this world for me
Sometimes I don’t want feel, and forget the pain is real
Put my head in the clouds
Oh, start to run and then I fall, thinking I can’t get it all, without my feet on the ground
There’s always a seed before there’s a rose
The more that it rains the more I will grow
I gotta have roots before branches to know who I am before I know who I wanna be
And faith to take chances to live like I see a place in this world for me
Whatever comes I know how to take it, Learn to be strong I won’t’ have to fake it
Oh, you’re understanding the wind can come and do its best blow me north, and south, east and west
But I’ll still be standing.   I’ll be standing
If I have roots before branches to know who I am before I know who I’m gonna be
And faith to take chances to live like I see a place in this world
I gotta have roots before branches

            Roots Before Branches

            Roots Before Branches