Opening your heart to something that you know you would eventually lose
In January, my daughter convinced me to go "dog window shopping" at the ASPCA which strangely didn't have any dogs, and off to the Sacramento County Shelter we went. While waiting for the doors to open at noon, we both saw this cute puppy that looked exactly like our 16 year old cat Gimlet. Glmlet is getting on in years, but has a beautiful silvery gray coat and beautiful white markings on her face and chest and paws. I stopped to pet this cute puppy and called her a 'gimlet' dog.
Inside we introduced ourselves to the 'Foster coordinator" and gave her my cell phone to let her know that we would have some time (when I was not traveling to foster) and that we liked bigger doggies. We went looking thru the kennels with lots of doggies needing homes and then my cell phone rang. Another foster mom was dropping off a puppy because she already had a house full of 2 german shepherds and a litter of 5 puppies. The foster coordinator asked us to come back up front and there she was...our little Pangaea. Carenna has always wanted to name a girl dog pangaea after the original ancient continent on earth before the lands shifted to make our geologic world as we know it.
We loved and kept Pangaea for 6 weeks, a 5 month old puppy, lots of work. But then we found a wonderful loving home with one of the 8th graders at our school who saw us walking Pangaea to school. Sad but relieved and joyful that we were able to love and house this wonderful sweet pit bull puppy, I wondered if all this loving and letting go was a good thing for Carenna and I? My counselor told me, "your heart is a muscle, and you need to exercise it" this is good for you.
And you know what, I think it is. I'm trying to relearn how to open my heart without fear... and without expectations. Valentine's day is usually a day I boycott because it is so wrought with expectations. I was enjoying the afternoon with my daughter (my forever valentine) and a wonderful unexpected package showed up at my doorstep - made my day.